Thursday, October 30, 2008
The little invader
Its with extreme helplessness that I write this blog.I wanted some place to give full vent to all those downbeat feelings,I've been trying to suppress for sometime now, however silly and stupid they may seem to be.
As the most molly-coddled kid of the house, I grew up with all the affection and attention there was,with every little thing fussed over.And... I liked it.Who doesn't anyway!For the first time in my life, I experienced what it was like to be suddenly thrown out of the spot light when the toddler next door invaded our home with his tiny presence. Since then things have not been the same. My twenty years of unrivaled monopoly had come to an abrupt end.Kapil- yes he is the source of all chaos. Everything was fine and flowery until he came into my life.
Kapil is a year and a half old, lives next-door, away from his busy-working parents, with his grandparents. I should admit to the fact that he is a totally charming child.He could barely walk when he first entered our house and now he speaks a few meaningless words.Obedient, sweet, a tad shy, smart and a little naughty, he is every bit an adorable child. Spend some time with him, and he'll sweep you by your legs and throw you overboard with his mysterious childish charms. And that was exactly how my parents fell. He wove his magic around them when I was away in college,oblivious to how he took the starlight from me.
It was to my mom he first looked up and called 'ammmaaa' and you know she was sortta ...overwhelmed.And so was my dad.Kapil liked our home, for he was not held back for anything.He started staying in our house overtime, going back to his home only when forcefully taken when it was bedtime.When at our home he would run little errands for my parents like fetching the mobile every time it rings, putting back the empty coffee mugs in place, emptying small cups of water to the plants in the garden, selecting evening clothes for my mom so on and so forth.He would see them off with a wave and a kiss when they leave for work and jump in excitement when they return.Initially, I should say I actually liked it very much to watch my parents play with him, talk in sugar- sweet tones, exaggerating little things.It was cute watching them lose their adulterous ice and defense for a small kid.
It was the last time I went home that I understood the real gravity of the situation. Things had undergone a paradigm shift.He claimed all the priorities that had earlier remained in my domain alone- from getting the first morsel of food, getting to flip to his favourite channel, getting the biggest chunk of chocolate, to getting to oil massage my father's head.He sits on my mom's lap and falls asleep on my dad's shoulders. He took it all from me. I was no longer the coddled KID of the house.I was not getting my daily dose of attention.Maybe I would've looked like a grown-up responsible adult beside Kapil's petite presence.Whatever happened to the famous parental vow 'Kids remain kids' all their lives!
Now It even infuriates me to watch him rightfully hail my parents 'amma' and 'appa'. No one could possibly guess,beneath my cool facade, there was a sizzling fire of jealousy and possessiveness.I wanted to be pampered and cuddled.I wanted to be fussed over for little things.I wanted to claim my parents all for myself, not wanting to share their priceless love with anyone else. Only a well-formed ego kept me from from voicing these things out.Or maybe I'm just afraid I would sound silly.
As a child I'd always wanted to grow up fast- to be a big girl, to be able to go ahead and further my secrets ambitions. I wanted to smell the sweet air of complete freedom and chase the rainbows I'd looked unto. But now, here I'm ready to trade all that for a small place on my mother's lap and for the comfort of falling asleep on my father's shoulders.
It does feel great watching my parents grow young in spirits once again.They get to laugh more, they have someone to look forward to after a day's hectic work, they found a solace to ward away their boredom. Kapil had carelessly spread his innocent smiles across their lives. Whatever said...how I wish they could hear the stubborn child in me crying for their undivided attention!