Thursday, October 23, 2008
And I walked on..
I was walking through my college avenue after class(es) yesterday, along the long wet, rain-drenched road.Rain had just stopped and a dripping sun showed its helpless face before taking refuge behind the smoky clouds.I could inhale the silence in the air . The whole place wore on a fresh shade of green after a nice long shower.I walked on slowly, aimlessly as I always do.And I love walking, call it sauntering.
It was one of those days when you feel strangely happy, blissfully content. There was a nameless excitement in the air that hung around me. I didn't know why, couldn't point out a reason.But I didn't want one anyway for I don't like reasons , at least for all the good things in life. When one searches for a reason behind a joy it becomes ephemeral-short-lived. Like someone? like them for the person they are, completely, rather than for a reason, for a personalized opinion.Studying for reasons.. for grades, for peer respect, for career prospects, it feigns the very idea. Study, for the pure pleasure of learning itself, to explore, to know, to get fascinated.
I walked on trying to make out weird shapes in the looming clouds above- a deformed tortoise and a malformed crocodile. Little terns chasing the grazing cows around, a pup that was blissfully asleep , the last drops of rain holding on to the yellow flowers on the trees as if unwilling to part, little puddles of water, two school going kids with over sized bags,I wanted to indulge in everything I saw. The smell of fresh, steamed corn suddenly invaded the cool air and it was intoxicating. And I succumbed. Taking juicy bites off the heavenly corn, I walked into the lonely eastern road that lead straight to hostel.And when I reach there. these few blissful moments I had by myself will end amidst the life and chirping inside the place.
With every passing moment,with every step I took I missed something I liked so much. It was trivial, nameless and strange but still I missed it.I felt helpless letting such precious moments slip by like sand past your fingers. I felt myself switching mode from strangely happy to helplessly sad.
May be this is how humans are... we refuse to let go, trying to hold on to precious things, precious moments, precious ones. We fail to accept that only the prospect that joy is momentary keeps it alive and beautiful. When everything is joyous and nothing is not-so-joyous, then joy in its version doesn't exist at all. We would let go when the moment is infiltrated and lived completely. Those who let go of their loved ones are those who know they have loved completely.Those who embrace death bravely are the ones who know they've lived life completely and the death itself gets meaningful.I kept walking.
Diwali is around the corner and soon I'll be royally landing at home.Home- that beautiful place with a grim n loving father, mother.. all excited with her repertoire of festival dishes which she is waiting to share with me, those little fishes in my tank that keep constantly blowing airy kisses at me, freshly pruned garden waiting for my inspection, lively neighborhood, yes I'll soon be there.I had plans.. I'll show dad he needn't be so grim with an unexpected hug,approve those tantalizing dishes with a wink, empty a generous pinch of fish food inside the tank for a few extra kisses,steal a few flowers off the garden and get updated on the recent gossips. I'll walk on this road, it will lead me there. As moments flit by, I take more steps ahead...I'll soon be home!